Kids need to be seen & heard

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Farnham Castle has responded to a growing need to include the whole family, not just the parents, in any briefing. Therefore the aim is to include children from the age of eight in a structured programme.

All programmes run for children are customised and tailored to the precise needs of each family: there are too many issues and too many variations in families to standardise a programme.

Three main objectives

All programmes have three main objectives:

• to make the child feel included in the moving process

• to provide information which will ease the transition

• to clear up any possible areas of misunderstanding about their new home

This third objective is particularly concerned with differences in what is or is not acceptable behaviour, as well as variations in the style of English used. For example, it is acceptable and encouraged for a child to ask 'why' of an adult in some countries but is viewed as disrespectful in others. It should be noted that although use of English is looked at, there is also a brief introduction to the destination country's own language.

All programmes are a combination of facts about the country, issues concerning settling in to a new life, learning about the new environment and how to cope with change. Participants are given background into what is currently popular with the children and young adults in the new country, how to make friends, what is acceptable behaviour with their peer group and with adults and how to make the move successful for all the family. If the children are moving to a country where the language is not their own, they are provided with a few words of introduction to help break down the barriers from the outset.

Recent examples

The success of the programmes can best be illustrated by some recent examples:

Family move from Switzerland to Kazakhstan... The father of the family was the only one to have any experience or knowledge of their destination. There was understandable hesitation by all involved. By the end of the programme everybody felt better informed and able to deal with issues of security and compound living.

Family being repatriated to the UK from India... Both parents were concerned about their teenage daughter who had been totally chaperoned in India and was now facing a large degree of freedom in the UK. A further issue was the significant drop in their standard of living. Information and guidance was provided for the former and coping strategies for the latter.

Family with a potential move to Egypt from the UK... The family in this case were divided as to whether or not to relocate. In particular one daughter was very distressed about leaving her school friends and not being able to choose GCSE options with them. A long phone call discussing the issues helped them reach a decision. In the end they decided to stay in the UK with the company ¹ avoiding time-consuming and costly issues for the employer and remaining a much happier family.

Australian family with three teenagers moving from Singapore to Korea... In this case most issues concerned education and in particular where the children should apply for university so as to cause the least disruption to the family unit. Furthermore, the father had extensive experience of the destination whilst the rest of the family had none. However this imbalance was redressed, and they all felt more equal once they started lessons in Korean as the father was very quickly bottom of the class!

British family moving to the USA... Although their parents were looking forward to the opportunity, the two boys of the family arrived at Farnham Castle not wanting to move. They expressed this in terms of a percentage: 20%. By the end of the day, they had moved up to 75% and 90%. The parents were very relieved and felt considerably less guilty.

Numerous benefits

The benefits are as numerous as the number of families briefed in particular:

The whole process seems set in place and therefore the feeling of limbo or being in transition lessens.

The children start to think of the move from their parents' point of view. They seem to particularly appreciate the position of the accompanying spouse, usually the mother, as being more difficult than their own.

The awareness that they are not alone is raised. They meet people who are dealing with similar issues, and are introduced to Internet sites, which link expatriate families.

The families are made aware of the need to separate the ups and downs of life from the ups and downs of living in a new country. For example all children come out of school at least once and say "no-one played with me", and all teenagers resent their parents!

The family is in a better position to cope with any subsequent move whether it is repatriation or to another assignment in a new country.